Giving Up Your Identity
Giving Up Yourself to Be in a Relationship (The Really Really Big Pitfall)
Everyone struggles with this one. The danger is in either trying to be someone you are not or giving up who you really are. It’s tough to lose a relationship, but it’s tougher to lose yourself.
This is the classic “trying to be someone else in order to be accepted.” It’s being someone you’re not, in order to fit in a relationship. We all adapt somewhat to fit into relationships, but the key is staying true to yourself and not adapting too much – giving up too much of yourself. “Who am I with this person or group” is a good question to ask. If there is too much of you left out of the picture, that’s a problem. If you’re trying to be someone you’re not, that is also a problem.
Forming an identity as a young woman or man is a journey – it takes time
The four keys to success are to face the challenge directly; be the author and act; find support; and persevere – “hold the course”
You have to deal with the inner voices (self-talk – both positive & negative) and with the outer voices in your world that influence you
You have two identities – your identity in the physical world & your digital identity
There are lots of elements in your identity – they will vary in importance from person to person
There are four core elements in your identity where you are the author
- Your Significance
- Your Purpose
- Your Personal Characteristics
- Your Values
There are ten more important elements that you must explore
- Gender & sexual orientation
- Race & ethnicity
- Activities & affiliation
- Physical appearance
- Capabilities
- Culture
- Religion
- Socio-economic status
- Nation/region
- Politics
Exploring & committing are the two sets of actions required to find your answers
It is asking the questions that matters – the answers will come
There are four “Identity States” that you can find yourself in during the journey – and it’s the trajectory on the journey that matters:
- “Made it” – high exploration and high commitment to your identity
- “Good Trajectory” – high exploration and lower commitment
- “Pretty much drifting” – low exploration and low commitment
- “Didn’t really start” – low exploration & high commitment (to others definition of your identity)
Putting your Identity Puzzle together is one way to look at the picture that is you
Your “Personal Brand” is another way to look at how the elements that make up your identity come together
Managing your brand on social media is key – so that it isn’t managed for you